There’s something about a hot shower or soak in a tub that begs promotion. Before anyone jumps to sordid conclusions, have you ever picked up a bottle of shampoo and passed bath time pretending to be a brand spokesperson promoting said product to the bathroom mirror? Many tubs of bathwater cooled while five-year-old me smiled beatifically at an imaginary camera. I remember proclaiming that Mr. Bubble was the best ever bubblemaker (who cared if it made you cleaner) and that Aunt Martha’s favorite Lemon Up shampoo made you far-out and cool. The Charmin bear creators have nothing on a kid with a pretend microphone and a dream, except the concept of used toilet tissue bits on a plush toy is just gross.

Fun Facts: Ancient Greeks stocked their toilet paper rolls with pieces of ceramic (used by ancient Greeks) while colonial Americans graduated to corn cobs. By the 1920s, Anglo-Americans trended toward paper, a practice dubbed by other first-world countries as “sanitary imperialism”.

Family and friends gathered this past Saturday to enjoy one more warm day of sun. There may be more sunny Saturdays this fall, but this is Ohio. Trick-or-treat bags could be filled with snow (revisit 2012). So while the beans came off all around the county, we made hay of our own. Grownups conversed around the grill and table. We reminisced over strong cups of coffee, crackers, and what the kids called “stinky cheese.” The children squirreled handfuls of cookies and candy corn to their basement lair. While I didn’t hear any youthful endorsements of Oreos or Brachs, I did hear little Teddy direct a scene from his favorite episode of Kratts’ Kids. Occasionally an adult would disappear for some stretch of time. Eventually, they would return with breath smelling of candy corn. Apparently, every ageless child inside blows raspberries at multi-seeded crackers, sliced vegetables and (eh-hem) maturity-endorsed stinky cheese.